18 Weeks / 4 1/2 Months

Well, at 18 weeks I certainly don't understand how lots of women will get pregnant more than once. I've been miserable. Between getting up twice a night to visit the potty, feeling nauseated for around 6-8 hours a day, throwing up if I get too gaggy before I get a peppermint in my mouth, being affected worse by seemingly insignificant things (ie. food poisoning, allergies, colds, etc) and watching stretchmarks spread across my abdomen like a road map drawn by an in patient at a psycho ward, I'm just not feeling like it's the "best thing EVER!!"

My mom always told me that I would probably really enjoy being pregnant because she did. She told me that she never felt so good as when she was pregnant. I really felt that I had reasonable hope to expect the same.

FAIL.

And I've been so careful to always watch myself when I was trying to get pregnant or wanted to be married so I could get pregnant not to say stupid things like "If I could ONLY get pregnant, I would NEVER complain". I watched other women say it and quietly laughed on the inside while simultaneously wanting to punch their face so hard their nose stuck out the back. Stupid women. They have NO clue what they are talking about. Of course you're going to complain sometimes!! And I made sure not to say that so that I could still have days where I just wanted this baby to come out already because I'm SICK and TIRED of being SICK and TIRED!!!!!

The past 18 weeks have been like that. I vacillate between being so grateful that there is a beautiful little vampire in there sucking my life blood away and bawling because I just don't know how I'm going to take 22 MORE WEEKS of this crap!!!

Don't get me wrong, I really AM grateful. I really DO love this little vampire. And I really AM ecstatic that I finally get to be a mommy. But, I am also a real person, folks. And being pregnant is HARD.

You seriously give up your entire existence to the little beast in there who you have never met. Would you give up your body and mind up for a perfect stranger? My guess is no. Yes, there are exceptions, but mostly, no.

The little alien I'm incubating decides when or if I eat, sleep and go to the bathroom.  It decides how to restructure my body shape (uh, hello there hips and butt that look like J-Lo!). It decides how crazy my hormone levels need to be so that it can live, but it also causes me to break out in zits in places where I've NEVER had zits before like a 13 year old boy starting puberty, my hair to get so thick that I get my hair cut and I feel like it's done nothing to relieve the weight, my finger nails to become like talons of death, and my skin to shine like I've just doused myself in Extra Virgin Olive Oil! Oh and THIS: It decides when I'm done having a conversation with someone because I have to stop mid sentence to sprint the 100 yard dash to the bathroom going Mach 50 to avoid vomiting on the person I'm talking to or on the floor.

I haven't even met the tiny creature of ill repute and this is what I've agreed to do for it?

Really?

There are so many websites out there who talk about loving being pregnant and how it's the greatest thing you'll ever do. Why do women not talk about the facts? Why do they fail to include how stinkin hard it is or how some days you just don't want to anymore?

Because we all want to be superhuman. That's why. We all want to tell everyone and ourselves that it's really not that bad and we can do it because we are Wonder Woman! Here me ROAR! Or wait... don't hear me roar because if I do, I'll gag and then I'll have to find the nearest bathroom or garbage can I can Mach 50 myself to!

Let's be real here. Being pregnant is hard. And sometimes it really sucks.

BUT, I'm really grateful. And I'm excited to get to the end and meet this little twerp who deserves that trip down the birth canal, thank you very much.

Maybe I'm just being hormonal because I'm riding the Pregnancy Roller Coaster. Your guess is as good as mine.

Excuse me while I go Mach 50 myself to the John.