New Year's Resolutions

It's a new year and last year wasn't necessarily the best. So, I sat myself down right after Christmas and laid out my resolutions for 2010. Also, my boss told me something that I think is really pretty awesome. He said: "Describe this new year the way you want it to be... and so it shall be". So, 2010 is going to be awesome! I'm going to be productive and proactive. It's going to be the best year I have had in a REALLY long time.

I also thought I would list out some of my resolutions, just so it's in print, so maybe I'll take more care to make sure they happen!

1) Go to the temple at least once a month- this one is pretty self explanatory

2) Take myself out on a date once a week- I feel like I've been holding myself back from doing things I want to do simply because I have had no one to do them with, so I need to remember how to be alone

3) BLOG once a month- and really, why not? It's good for me.

4) Schedule myself a writing night once a month- I need to get my novel written and since it's been in the "process" for over a year now, I need to get with it!

5) Get at least $1500 in a savings account by the end of the year- it's always good to have a cushion and a "just in case" fund. After the credit card debt I was married to, I NEVER want a credit card!

6) Finish the Book of Mormon and D&C by the end of the year- I am in the middle of the BOM again and I need to remind myself there are other scriptures too!

7) Get my spare room unpacked and organized COMPLETELY- I haven't been completely unpacked and organized since about 2006, so I'm pretty excited to finally have no boxes and to KNOW that I'm not going to be moving in the foreseeable future

8) Get completely caught up with my scrapbooking- I have so many scrapbooks started, but not finished and I need to get those done and my most recent caught up

9) Be at home at least 3 nights a week- my dogs never see me, poor things. So, it's either get rid of them or be home more... I think we know what option won out

10) Read a book once a month I've never read before- I have a habit of reading my favorite books over and over again. And while that is good, I need to make sure the rest of my growing library is feelin' the love too. This month, I am reading Northanger Abbey by Jane Austen. We'll see how it goes.

There are more, but those are the ones I don't mind sharing.

When I was still living in Post Falls, a wonderful lady taught a lesson in church about setting goals/resolutions for yourself. I really took it to heart. Last year, I set goals and things happened in life that weren't planned, throwing off those goals. This year, it won't be that way. I have set goals for myself that depend on me, no one else, and are attainable. I'm feeling hopeful about all of them. And since we are already a week in, I can honestly report that I am doing pretty good so far. I can already see the goals that are going to take more effort. But, I'm doing great and I'm looking forward to 2010! It's going to be AMAZING!

Ode to Tyson

So, I have been waiting to update this until I felt like I've gotten to some sort of acceptance of things. My good friend, Tyson Egbert, passed away on the night of December 2nd, 2009. It came as a shock because he was only 26 and as far as anyone knew, in excellent health.

Ty was living in Rexburg, Idaho, attending BYU-Idaho. He was studying to be a Social Worker and was slated to graduate in 2010. Two weeks before he died, he posted on his Facebook page about how much he loved Heavenly Father and how grateful for the Atonement he was. He said that he knew that because of the Atonement and the ultimate sacrifice Christ made for him, Ty could again live with his Father in Heaven. It was a powerful testimony to me of Tyson's faith. It gave me goosebumps. Two weeks later, he went to bed early, complaining of a neck ache and never woke up. We still don't know the cause of death and I'm not sure if we ever will.

Tyson and I met while attending Eagle Rock Junior High and quickly fell for each other. We "went out" for 11 months. For 13 year olds, that was forever! I've been told we were the "Bennifer" of junior high. When we broke up, Ty decided he was going to hate me forever. And he did, at least until the night of high school graduation. Right before we walked across the stage to get our diplomas, he apologized. Later that night, and for a few months after, we got together and talked things out. It was so wonderful to have my friend back.

Ty went on his mission to Raleigh, North Carolina and wrote me several letters while he was gone. His testimony of the gospel grew so much during this time. At his funeral, everyone spoke of how much Ty loved to teach people. He must have been a great teacher for Heavenly Father to call him Home early to teach others on the other side.

The grief process is something, I'm coming to realize, you never fully get past. That's why they call it a process. You just learn to live with it and redirect the energy spent on anguish to something else more proactive. While I will always grieve for Ty, I know that he is in a better place doing amazing things.

Tyson taught me so much. While he was alive, he taught me how to kiss, how to care about someone else and put them ahead of yourself, how to love the Jazz and Karl Malone, how to have your heart broken, and most of all, how to forgive yourself and others around you. In death, Ty is still teaching me. For a few months before his death, Ty and I had been "going to get to together" once I got my new place in order and got my divorce final. "When life slowed down" was what I always said. Then, when the house got in order and the divorce was over, things kept coming up and I kept saying "tomorrow, I'll call him". Well, I ran out of tomorrows.

From all of this, I have learned that you can't put off until tomorrow something that should have been done yesterday. Before you know it, tomorrows don't come. You run out of time. I am trying to make a conscious effort everyday to do the things I need and want to instead of putting them off until later. If I had done that in the case of Ty, I might not have the regret of not getting to see him one more time, getting to hear his laugh, or see him smile.

Ty used to always say something to me that I am finding so pertinent right now. He used to say, "Heather, thank you for sharing yourself with me. You mean so much to me and I am so lucky to have you in my life. Thank you so much for sharing yourself with me." And now, with him gone, and realizing how much I loved him, I can say "Tyson, thank you for sharing yourself with me. Thank you for being there. Thank you for teaching me so much about life, love and loss. You have meant so very much to me. I will carry you and these lessons with me forever."


UPDATE:

I feel like I should update this post since it's been almost 4 years and this is consistently one of the most viewed of my posts. I still can't believe he's been gone that long.

Tyson actually didn't go to bed that night complaining of a neck ache, he went and took a bath. They found him the next morning in the bath. Horrific detail, I know. And I'm sorry, but I want to make sure to report the facts and do him the justice he deserves.

They did a bunch of autopsy tests and everything came back inconclusive. He wasn't sick, he didn't OD, he didn't have an overly large heart (although, figuratively speaking he did in life), nothing. He just simply died with no explanation of why or how.

And while that fact may seem astonishing and hard to understand for some, I actually find massive comfort in it. He didn't do anything wrong. He didn't take his own life. He was simply needed on the other side more by a loving Father in Heaven who needed Tyson's special gift of teaching and skill at loving others.

It took me a long time to seek out answers because I was afraid to find out exactly what happened. However, when I did, I felt incredible peace come into my heart. I know he's better off where he is, he's happier and I'm allowed to be happy too. His family told me some of the most wonderful things that they remembered him saying about me and it validated my feelings toward him. Closure came for me in the form of peace and comfort and knowledge that I was important to Tyson. Very much so.

I hope that anyone else seeking answers can find their peace with this whole ordeal too. While we miss Ty, we can hope for and look forward to the day when we get that last hug from him we dearly wish we'd been able to get in life.

It's Been A Month...

So it's been a whole month since I wrote on this, and while I feel like I should write something there hasn't really been a lot happening to talk about. Which, in and of itself, is a small miracle because while I was married life seemed to be made up solely of survival of one disaster/catastrophe to the next. So, the idea that within the last month not much has happened is actually a blessing. I will see if I can't come up with something worth reading though.

I was called this last week for 2 callings in my YSA Branch. Today, at church, they will sustain me. I have been called as the Relief Society Visiting Teaching Supervisor and as the Branch Family Home Evening Chairlady. So, I'm a little nervous about finding time for all this extra work in an already jam-packed schedule, but I know that I will find a way. Heavenly Father never asks us to do something without providing a way to make that which seems impossible possible. With His help, I know I can do it. But, I'm sure there will be many tears. :)

Next week is Thanksgiving and I'm super excited. Though not my favorite holiday (that would be Christmas and 4th of July), I sure love it. I love having family all over and spending time with them. This year, I feel I have so much to be thankful for. It's been a hectic year, but I am grateful because I feel like I have overcome and become a better person for it.

Anyway, I am sure I will write next week, and possibly figure out how to get photos on this thing soon. I hope everyone who reads this has a happy and safe Thanksgiving!

FREEDOM!

Well, we said this would be coming! I am free! My divorce was finalized on October 13th, a date I will never forget and may celebrate like Christmas for the rest of my life! Yay for freedom!

I am grateful to be done with my marriage, but feel sort of guilty for saying that. I feel bad for NOT feeling bad, ya know? It's a difficult feeling to describe. I think I maybe feel like that because I know I have no regrets. I tried to help Erick every way I could and there was nothing more that could be done. I'm not ready to really discuss in detail all the abuse, but I don't know that I need to. Maybe someday, it will all come out, but until then.... I'm just happy, blissfully happy, to be free. Free from abuse and oppression. I'm lucky and I know this.

Givin' it a try!

Ok Maren, though I really think that it would be better and funnier to read you blogging for me, I will give it a little try and see where it gets me. If I can get into the swing of it, I will do it. If I can't get into it and "see the vision that is blogging", I won't.

I refused to blog. It is true. Vehemently refused to blog. And now, since I am being forced (I love you, Maren), I will try. I still don't see the point for an unmarried non-mother to blog, but I will try.

I thought I would start with talking about my new apartment. I will try to post pictures soon. I haven't actually gotten into it yet, I get in on Friday (4 days from now). I am super excited because it will be my own place and because I will be independent again. Not that I don't love my Momma and sister, it's just that it is hard to have an entire houseful of stuff and put it all in storage. Plus, it's hard to go from living on your own for several years and move home with an indefinite move-out date. But, I think, all things considered, the last 6 months have gone well. Like I said, I love living at home, but I'm almost 26 years old and the divorce should be final sometime VERY soon. SO, that means I need to get my feet under me again. It's a bit terrifying, this idea of paying all the bills again, but I'm optimistic.

The new place is an 1100 sq. ft. townhome here in Idaho Falls with 2 bedrooms and 2 1/2 baths. It's a little banged up from previous tenants, but with a little TLC before the move-in, it should be great. It has a small (not private) backyard out the back so my babies, Trooper and Lucky, can play on their leashes. So, it should work ok. Like I said, I haven't gotten into it yet, and therefor don't have pictures, but I will post them as soon as I can.

I am also excited for the single's ward over there. I can't go until the divorce has been finalized, I've received the paperwork and the bishop here (in my home ward) helps me get the Temple Divorce paperwork going. But, as soon as I can, I will go over there. I'm really pumped for that. Though I will miss my ward family here, and my best friend, I can feel the single's ward is where I need to be.

Anyhoo, I've now posted something for myself. I can't see how this is supposed to be for posterity. It's too public to pour my heart into it, like a journal would be. I think a journal is what the prophet was talking about, but at least I know I can print this and save it for later, should it turn into something worth doing that. We'll see. Maybe I will surprise myself...

A Very Good Place to Start

This is the blog of Heather Wilson, a beautiful woman who has refused to blog. Her dear friend Maren has created this blog for her, because she knows that one day, Heather will appreciate it. In the future, look forward to blogs regarding: Heather's new apartment, her handsome babies Trooper and Lucky, FREEDOM, Late night goofiness, My Testimony, Holiday Happenings, her favorite people, Heather A-Z, What I'd do if I won Powerball, and more. There, Heather, now you can't say you don't know what to blog about. And unless you change your password, I can always get in and blog for you, so if you want it done right, you'll have to do it yourself. I love you very much, remember, this is for posterity, the prophet told you to do it. Well, kind of.