One Year Makes A Difference

One year ago today, in about an hour, I put "him" on a plane. He was excited and happy to go away for a vacation and to get some help. He was leaving because he had caused a lot of stress and mayhem for a lot of people and with him gone, we would be able to put the pieces back together while he was getting the help he needed. I was frustrated because he was getting to go play, I wasn't sure if he was going to seek help out, and Hurricane "Him" leaves quite a wake.

My family spent the better part of the next 24 hours trying to keep my head above water. I was devestated. "He" had left me. I had sent him, but he had left me. And it took less than 24 hours for the entire 3 years of our marriage to unravel completely. The next afternoon, he cemented forever in my memory what he thought of me and our marriage. It was explicit and sickening to hear. One week later, we had both made efforts in seeking out a divorce.

Within the last year, I have been tried, I have been tested, and I have found out just how strong a person can be under extreme duress. I cannot say I have overcome it enough to be indifferent. But I can say that I am grateful for it. I would never change it. I might wish I could take some of the things I said back, but that is neither here nor there. I wouldn't change it because it changed me. It changed the way I look at myself, at others, and at my Heavenly Family.

I am a good person. I have worth. I may not be beautiful, but I am cute and definately not unattractive. I am happy and bubbly and vivacious. I love life. I love living. I know what is the most important thing in this world to me and I know what can be put aside if need be. I have flaws, but I have strengths too. I love to try new things where I used to be afraid. I used to be so unsatisfied with me and who I am. I used to want to change myself for others so they would like me more. I am not like that now. I am me. Take it or leave it.

Other people are important. They may be different from what is socially acceptable or they may be the most popular person in the room. Doesn't matter, each person has something to contribute. Each person that comes into your life, has an effect there. They can bring pain, yes, but most often, they can teach you things to help you learn and grow. And I've learned that the way you treat a person most often reflects the person that YOU are. We need to appreciate every person who crosses our paths because they leave a mark. Treat others as you would want to be treated and pay it forward. Even if another person doesn't respect you, you must respect them because if you don't, is that the person YOU want to be?

Most importantly, I have learned that my Heavenly Father loves me. I am His daughter and I am great in His sight. I can rely on Him for things and in situations that no one else sees or knows. He is there for me, the ulimate Comforter in times of need. Pain is minimized by this. I am grateful for Jesus Christ, my brother, who not only atoned for my sins, but for my stresses and trials and grief. He has felt all and knows what I am going through. It is through the Atonement that I can turn over trials, when they are too much to bear, to Him and allow the healing balm of love and comfort to wash over me. My Heavenly Parents and my brother, my Savior, love me. They know my imperfections. They know I struggle. They know me. And they love me anyway.

On this day, last year, I was broken. It took an army of heavenly and earthly beings to put me back together. Now, 365 days later, I'm healing. I'm not whole yet. But, I'm getting there. I am not the person I was. I'm better. I'm more. I'm grateful. I'm blessed. I'm lucky. I'm ME.