Fear

I have read in the dictionary that fear is "a distressing emotion aroused by impending danger, evil, pain, etc., whether the threat is real or imagined..." The word originated before the 12th Century from the Middle English word feren, which comes from the Old English word faer meaning "calamity or danger". Calamity means "a great misfortune or disaster; grievous affliction, adversity or misery".

And urbandictionary.com says that fear is "what usually keeps us from doing really, really stupid things (like jumping into a pool of piranhas for example)". :)

But Frank Herbert said: "Fear is the mind killer. Fear is the little death that brings total obliteration."

And the Bible dictionary says that fear is something unworthy of a child of God. Something that "perfect love casteth out" (1st John 4:18). Something that destroys the feeling of confidence in a loving Heavenly Father.

So, my conclusions to be gleaned from these different resources is that fear is the emotion which comes from an imagined or actual disaster or affliction. However, fear can debilitate a person and is the opposite of faith in Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ.

I'm afraid. I have fear. I wish I didn't, but I do. Sheer terror comes in my life in the form of relationships. I am afraid of getting into a relationship. Men are leavers. And when they leave, all that is left is a whole lot of pain, adversity and anguish. Rarely in life do we find men that are stayers. And those who are stayers, are already staid. Some leavers come into my life pretending to be stayers. They stay long enough to hurt and they leave.

I am continually saying that men are like parking spots. All the good ones are taken and the rest are handicapped.

But, I am sure that there are some good men out there, they just aren't going to be a stayer for me. Why then do I constantly believe that I should look for a spouse? What is the point? He won't stay. Even if he stays for a while, he will only leave later. Eventually, they all leave.

Does feeling like this make me a cynic? Perhaps. Or, perhaps it makes me a realist who is experiencing fear and terror at the idea of being in a trusting relationship again.

In a recent bout of fear over a potential relationship (let's call this man Wyatt), I discovered that not only am I a cynic and a realist, but I am also profoundly and catastrophically screwed up. When my best friend helped me in coming to this conclusion, she also reminded me that if I could find a way to overcome my fear long enough to give Wyatt a real chance, I might end up finding the happiness I've longed and dreamed for.

My best friend was quick to remind me that "Adam fell that man might be, and men are, that they might have joy" (2nd Nephi 2:25) We have to know pain in order to know pleasure, sadness in order to know joy. There is opposition in all things. So, the pain and fear I feel now will only lead to me feeling the intense joy later. If I can overcome the fear enough to allow that, that is.

Since that discussion, Wyatt has disappeared out of the queue and a different potential has come to light. But, the fear is building. So much so that the fight or flight response is coming into play. I am not much of a fighter these days, so my first instinct is to run. Run like my very existence depends on it.

People tell me all the time how strong I am, how brave I am. They don't know the incapacitating fear that overwhelms me where relationships are concerned. It's there, it's real and I am trying to overcome it.

I know this will be an uphill battle. Something I will struggle with even after I find someone who will be patient and persistent long enough to get me past the fight or flight response. I'm sure it will be something I will deal with throughout my lifetime. My trust isn't easy to gain, but it's easy to break. And once it's gone, it's almost impossible to get back. There is only one person I can think of who has ever done that. He's virtually Superman. :) But, don't get your hopes up. He's a stayer for another lady who loves, deserves and puts up with him.

What I don't know is how to overcome this fear. I know I need to, but trying to do so has been a bit of an enigma to me. So, I'm sending out this question into the void of Blogosphere Space....

What do I do? What does a person who has been so hurt for so long do in order to overcome the fear that comes from the calamity that is a relationship?

Fear is what is keeping me from jumping into a relationship because instead of thinking of a relationship as a loving, caring, trusting situation, I look at it as a pool full of piranhas....