Snow Shoeing Like A Pro!

Me strapped into my snow shoes and ready to go! I was so cold and I wanted to get moving!!

The next photos are the Henderson Clan headed back down the trail and Aunt Heather and her favorite kiddos, Nate and Em. Next is Maren and I. Following that is Nate, then Em and the Hendersons one more time.






This was our view on the trail at Kelly Canyon! It was so pretty!!

So, for the month of February, I decided that I needed to continue with the idea of doing something outdoors. See, when I was younger, I never wanted to do anything outside when it was cold. I always thought, "there's just nothing fun to do out there and you just get cold!" Boy, was I wrong!

Maren, Andrew, their kiddos and I went up to Kelly Canyon and went snow shoeing! It was more difficult than I thought it would be, but mostly because I didn't realize how much it would work my hips and leg muscles! I think part of that was because the trail we decided to go on was uphill and we never did make it to the top. It just kept going!

But, it was so much fun! I think I would definitely do it again many times, although, I don't think I'm quite ready to go out and purchase a pair of shoes of my own yet. This was a slow paced activity and it wasn't as instantly addicting as the snow machining was. So maybe I will admit I'm a little addicted to speed and the adrenaline rush... so?! :)

It was fun to be with my best friend and her wonderful family. It gave us time to talk, to laugh and to enjoy one another's company. The best part was watching Nate tromp around in his snow shoes that were shaped like bear claws and hearing Em yell "Yay!" as we headed back down the trail in her special sled. At one point, we had to hold onto her pull rope from behind and it looked like Maren was "walking her" like she would have walked a dog! Hilarious!

Anyway, the activity was a success and I really enjoyed myself. The drive up and back was a little scary. I'm still not quite calm when driving on icy, snowy roads, but the SUV had really great tires. Plus, we (meaning the kids and I) got to watch Mulan on the way there and back! Bonus! And we decided to head up to Swan Valley afterwards to get a square ice cream cone! Double bonus!

I'm definitely learning that you can be outside in the winter and have a fun time. There seem to be just as many activities to do outdoors in the winter in Idaho as there are in the summer. It reminds me just how glad I am to be home here in SE Idaho.

Next month.... I'm thinking a trip through the Salt Lake City Temple and a Real Salt Lake Game. They are playing the LA Galaxy team. So, guess what that means... Beckham!!! Yeah buddy!

The End of Facebook

Hello, my name is Heather Wilson, and I have a problem. I am an addict. I am addicted to Facebook.

The rumors are true, I am quitting Facebook, and many have been asking why. There are several reasons, one in particular I will not discuss, but I felt like I wanted to talk a little bit about it.

As always, I love lists....

-I spend far too much time on Facebook, even while at work, diminishing my valuable hours of daylight that could and should be spent doing worthwhile things. I have so many essential, necessary and recreational things that I need and can do, that wasting quality hours in my day under the employment and slavery of Facebook seemed ludicrous.

-I realized through a conversation with a friend of mine the other day that while Twitter is all about narcissism, Facebook is all about being nosey into other people's business AND narcissism. I have 275 friends on FB and how huge is my ego to think that they would all want to keep up with my life enough to check out my photos, read my statuses, or peruse the novel that was my Info page? And truly, how nosey am I to think that I have all these friends, most of which I haven't spoken to in years, just so that I can go onto their page and Facebook stalk them? It's ridiculous how I have bought into the narcissistic and intrusive allure that is Facebook. P.S. I'm not now, nor will I ever be on Twitter either.

-I found that I was able, and OTHER people were able, to say things over Facebook that would not normally be said in front of other people. I was able to be as sarcastic as I wanted to be, but also be somewhat truthful in not so nice ways. Don't get me wrong, I was also able to be super sweet to people and say things that I would normally blush to say to that person to their face. There is good and bad to all things. I just feel like this is one of the reasons that I need to be done.

-Also, in my quest to find happiness and fulfillment and balance in life, I realized that going onto Facebook and reading up on everyone else's lives was not helping in that. Some people's lives had me feeling covetous of the life they had. Some had me feeling so overwhelming sad for them and for the lives they were choosing to lead. Some, made me feel like I was so inferior because I simply could not be and do all that they were and did. Facebook rarely bolstered my spirits and encouraged me to be all that I can be or to be happy.

-I had begun to think of things in terms of "this would make a great Facebook status!" or "Take this picture of me so that I can use it as a Facebook profile picture!" Does that not seem hilarious and so sad at the same time?

So, I need to be done. And like I mentioned before, there are many other reasons, but those were the main ones that I felt I could reveal. I have been a member of Facebook for 3 years now and to lose that instant go-to will be like losing a friend in a way.

I have very much enjoyed conversations that I've had with people I've found through Facebook. I have found friends through Facebook that I hadn't been able to find for years. Like a kid who had been one of my very best friends in junior high and then he moved to a different district for high school. Or the kid who I'd gone to school with all the way through until graduation and now lives in Romania. Or the girls who didn't ever go to school with me, but through mutual friends, I've grown to love and appreciate having them as part of my life. Or even those family members who I don't get to see very often at all, but I love them and miss them all the time. I truly hope that somehow we can all find a different way to keep in touch. Honestly I do. I don't want to lose people through this effort at regaining some privacy for myself and others. But, it's something that needs to be done and I feel good about.

I know that the people who have truly wanted me as part of their lives will continue to do so, even if it means finding a different avenue for it. And I know that I will have to make more of an effort to email, text and call people who are important to me. But, that is what I am willing to do. And like I said, I feel good about my decision.

So, I'm signing off. I'm Heather Wilson, and I'm no longer addicted to Facebook.

Wreckin' and Ridin': My Weekend in West Yellowstone

Wes and I cooking dinner at Eino's. FUN!

Ask Wes to smile... this is what you get. Oy!

Getting ready to go out on the sled.

When I said that I was going to do something new and different every month, I had something different in mind than what I ended up getting. I ought to be a little more specific in my goals and expectations for this year, eh?

For the month of January, I had the opportunity to go up to West Yellowstone and go snowmobiling. On my way up, I was excited and feeling really upbeat. The roads can be pretty scary, but the sun was shining and I was feeling good. I wasn't going fast, just going with traffic, which happened to be about 40-45 mph.

The car in front of me hit their brakes, which led to me tapping on mine and suddenly, I found myself sliding into oncoming traffic. I corrected, but overdid it and slid the other way. I tried to correct again and ended up spinning a 180 and was facing the car that was originally following me. I slammed into the snow drift on the side of the road and my Expedition tipped over.

I was wearing my seat belt and was very lucky. Very minor damage to my vehicle and only minor bruising to myself. I finally arrived in West Yellowstone about an hour after I had originally intended, my vehicle had been impounded by the wreckers and I was pretty shaken up. But I was fine.

I don't have a photo of this "new and different" experience because I was a little too worried about my vehicle. But, having never been in an accident before, it was an eye opening experience.

The next day, I had the opportunity to do the "new and different" activity that I had planned to do: Snow machining!

My friend, Wes, is a snow machine guru and took me out on the sleds. What an adrenaline rush! It was so much fun and I can't wait to do it again!! It's definitely something that I want to get better at and continue doing. It's an expensive hobby, or seems to be, but it's one that I could definitely get into. Loved it! I'm hoping to get to do it again in a couple weeks. Eventually, I would really like to get to the point that I can ride one on my own. Wes drove the one we rode and that was fine since I had no clue what I was doing.

We went out to a steakhouse about 8 miles from the sled shop. It's called Eino's and it was pretty good food. When you order, they slap your steaks, raw, on a plate and let you go back to a grill and cook them yourself. It was awesome and so much fun!

All in all, minus the wreck at the beginning, it was a fun weekend and I can't wait to do it again!

January's "New and Different"= Huge Success!!

The Year's On It's Way Out...

It's the end of the year and that always tends to allow for a little reflection back on one's comings and goings. In doing so, I'm almost embarrassed of this past year. I told myself at the end of 2009, this year was going to be amazing and the best year ever.... Uh.... yeah.... so that really didn't happen. It wasn't the greatest year, but it wasn't the worst. I suppose that I should feel greatful for that at least. Let's pay more attention to the silver lining there, shall we?

To recap, let's look at what I resolved myself to do/accomplish this past year and see where I stand....

~Temple once a month: Yup, most months. I can say that I think I missed one, maybe two.
~Date night each week for/by myself: Nope, that one puttered out by the end of January.
~Blog once a month: LOL! Yea, that SO didn't happen! :)
~Scheduled writing nights: Nope, that one I need to do better about. I haven't written in months!
~$1500 in savings: Nope, but when do monetary goals work out exactly the way you want them to anyway?
~Finish Book of Mormon & D&C: Yep! I even finished early!
~Spare room unpacked and organized: Haha... funny story... I actually ended up doing it, then packing it all up and moving again. Geez! When am I ever going to stay in the same place for longer than a year?! I haven't stayed anywhere that long since I was 15.
~Scrapbooking caught up: Nope. I finished Birth thru 8th grade though and got most of 9th thru high school graduation done.
~Home 3 nights a week: Nope, that certainly didn't happen. But, that's one that will happen this year.
~Read one new book a month: Yep, this one worked out. Let's make a list (I LOVE lists!):

*Northanger Abby (by Jane Austen)
*As Always, Dave (by Jack Weyland)
*Total Money Makeover (by Dave Ramsey)
*Summer of My German Soldier (by Bette Greene)
*Year on Ladybug Farm (by Donna Ball)
*Suite Scarlett (by Maureen Johnson)
*Courting Miss Lancaster (by Sarah Eden)
*The Last Lecture (by Randy Pausch)
*The Secret Journal of Brett Colton (by Kay Lynn Mangum)
*Little Women (by Louisa May Alcott)
*Eat, Pray, Love (by Elizabeth Gilbert)
*City of Bones (by Cassandra Claire)
*City of Ashes (by Cassandra Claire)
*City of Glass (by Cassandra Claire)
*The Remarkable Soul of a Woman (by Deiter Uchtdorf)

Who won this battle of wills? Hmm, let's tally: New Year's Resolutions: 6 Heather: 4

Guess I lost the war. But, I was able to conquer 4 different things! Go me!

This next year, I have whittled myself down to 10 resolutions. I realize that I was only able to accomplish 4 of my previous 10, so how do I really think I can still pull it off, right? Well, I'm gonna give it one heck of a try.

~Lose 50 pounds
~Work out 4-5 times a week (Zumba baby! Oh yeah!)
~Try something new/something I haven't done in a really long time once a month (and then try to remember to blog about it. LOL)
~Once a month dinner with 2 important people
~Once a month to the temple
~Bear testimony at least 3 times
~Flowers on someone's grave twice a year (And only limit myself to that. I went way too much this year and it was always just as painful as the last time)
~Read the entire Old Testament
~Stop hanging out and going out so much with people who don't deserve my attention or time
~Be home at least 2 nights a week and follow my schedule better

I have one other, but that was in currently up in the air right now. We shall see.

I am really excited about this upcoming year. I plan to have so much fun and yet, learn how to say No when I just don't have time for partying. It's going to be the year of learning about balance. And I'm looking forward to it.

I am especially excited about doing something new and different each month. This upcoming month, I am planning on either snow shoeing or riding a snow machine. We will see which one pans out. Wish me luck, and Happy New Year to everyone!

Fear

I have read in the dictionary that fear is "a distressing emotion aroused by impending danger, evil, pain, etc., whether the threat is real or imagined..." The word originated before the 12th Century from the Middle English word feren, which comes from the Old English word faer meaning "calamity or danger". Calamity means "a great misfortune or disaster; grievous affliction, adversity or misery".

And urbandictionary.com says that fear is "what usually keeps us from doing really, really stupid things (like jumping into a pool of piranhas for example)". :)

But Frank Herbert said: "Fear is the mind killer. Fear is the little death that brings total obliteration."

And the Bible dictionary says that fear is something unworthy of a child of God. Something that "perfect love casteth out" (1st John 4:18). Something that destroys the feeling of confidence in a loving Heavenly Father.

So, my conclusions to be gleaned from these different resources is that fear is the emotion which comes from an imagined or actual disaster or affliction. However, fear can debilitate a person and is the opposite of faith in Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ.

I'm afraid. I have fear. I wish I didn't, but I do. Sheer terror comes in my life in the form of relationships. I am afraid of getting into a relationship. Men are leavers. And when they leave, all that is left is a whole lot of pain, adversity and anguish. Rarely in life do we find men that are stayers. And those who are stayers, are already staid. Some leavers come into my life pretending to be stayers. They stay long enough to hurt and they leave.

I am continually saying that men are like parking spots. All the good ones are taken and the rest are handicapped.

But, I am sure that there are some good men out there, they just aren't going to be a stayer for me. Why then do I constantly believe that I should look for a spouse? What is the point? He won't stay. Even if he stays for a while, he will only leave later. Eventually, they all leave.

Does feeling like this make me a cynic? Perhaps. Or, perhaps it makes me a realist who is experiencing fear and terror at the idea of being in a trusting relationship again.

In a recent bout of fear over a potential relationship (let's call this man Wyatt), I discovered that not only am I a cynic and a realist, but I am also profoundly and catastrophically screwed up. When my best friend helped me in coming to this conclusion, she also reminded me that if I could find a way to overcome my fear long enough to give Wyatt a real chance, I might end up finding the happiness I've longed and dreamed for.

My best friend was quick to remind me that "Adam fell that man might be, and men are, that they might have joy" (2nd Nephi 2:25) We have to know pain in order to know pleasure, sadness in order to know joy. There is opposition in all things. So, the pain and fear I feel now will only lead to me feeling the intense joy later. If I can overcome the fear enough to allow that, that is.

Since that discussion, Wyatt has disappeared out of the queue and a different potential has come to light. But, the fear is building. So much so that the fight or flight response is coming into play. I am not much of a fighter these days, so my first instinct is to run. Run like my very existence depends on it.

People tell me all the time how strong I am, how brave I am. They don't know the incapacitating fear that overwhelms me where relationships are concerned. It's there, it's real and I am trying to overcome it.

I know this will be an uphill battle. Something I will struggle with even after I find someone who will be patient and persistent long enough to get me past the fight or flight response. I'm sure it will be something I will deal with throughout my lifetime. My trust isn't easy to gain, but it's easy to break. And once it's gone, it's almost impossible to get back. There is only one person I can think of who has ever done that. He's virtually Superman. :) But, don't get your hopes up. He's a stayer for another lady who loves, deserves and puts up with him.

What I don't know is how to overcome this fear. I know I need to, but trying to do so has been a bit of an enigma to me. So, I'm sending out this question into the void of Blogosphere Space....

What do I do? What does a person who has been so hurt for so long do in order to overcome the fear that comes from the calamity that is a relationship?

Fear is what is keeping me from jumping into a relationship because instead of thinking of a relationship as a loving, caring, trusting situation, I look at it as a pool full of piranhas....

Halfway Through the Year....

June is halfway over and so is 2010. Can you believe it? Where has this year gone?! I can't believe that we are halfway to 2011. And thinking back, has it been the awesome year that I declared it would be? Let's see...

When it comes to my New Year's Resolutions, well I know that I can do better. I dropped a few at the beginning of the year that I knew wouldn't happen and I've stayed fairly on track with most of the others. But, that doesn't mean I couldn't do better. I could be doing those things for the right reasons and not simply because "I made a resolution to do it!" Ya know? I am sticking to about half of them. And that's doing good, in my opinion. We can't control everything in life and we can only plan on those things that have already happened, not on those things yet to come. You can make plans for the future, but you have to be flexible when those plans have to change because of unforeseen circumstances. I'm just proud I've stuck to those I have!

Has this year been awesome so far? You know, it hasn't been bad. It hasn't been the year to compare all other years against, but it's only half over. So, that means there is still hope. Most importantly, I feel like this year has been calm. It's been peaceful. I'm constantly busy with work, family, church and friends, but you know... life is good. I'm alive, I'm relatively healthy, I'm positive, and I'm surrounded by people and organizations that I love. Am I exactly where I want to be in life? Nope, but that doesn't mean I can't be by this time next year. If there is anything I believe it is that a moment can change history forever. Something could happen moments from now that can change all plans I have ever made for myself. This time next year, who knows where I will be or what I will be doing. I'm excited for the journey though.

In the upcoming weeks, I am looking forward to a long overdue trip back up to Post Falls, ID to see some of my friends. I moved back down to IF in April 2009 and haven't been up to visit yet. No bueno! While it is a little nerve wracking to think of how different my life is now from how it was when I left PF and how I'm going to fit back into the world up there, I'm looking forward to seeing those people who were my family away from my family. I just hope that the fit will resemble that of the old slippers in my closet, ya know?

I'm also so very excited for the 4th of July! It is one of my favorite holidays and I can't wait. It's going to be a lot of fun to be with family, have BBQ's, see the 2nd greatest fireworks show in the US, and celebrate this country's freedoms. Hopefully the next blog will have photos of all the fun!

One Year Makes A Difference

One year ago today, in about an hour, I put "him" on a plane. He was excited and happy to go away for a vacation and to get some help. He was leaving because he had caused a lot of stress and mayhem for a lot of people and with him gone, we would be able to put the pieces back together while he was getting the help he needed. I was frustrated because he was getting to go play, I wasn't sure if he was going to seek help out, and Hurricane "Him" leaves quite a wake.

My family spent the better part of the next 24 hours trying to keep my head above water. I was devestated. "He" had left me. I had sent him, but he had left me. And it took less than 24 hours for the entire 3 years of our marriage to unravel completely. The next afternoon, he cemented forever in my memory what he thought of me and our marriage. It was explicit and sickening to hear. One week later, we had both made efforts in seeking out a divorce.

Within the last year, I have been tried, I have been tested, and I have found out just how strong a person can be under extreme duress. I cannot say I have overcome it enough to be indifferent. But I can say that I am grateful for it. I would never change it. I might wish I could take some of the things I said back, but that is neither here nor there. I wouldn't change it because it changed me. It changed the way I look at myself, at others, and at my Heavenly Family.

I am a good person. I have worth. I may not be beautiful, but I am cute and definately not unattractive. I am happy and bubbly and vivacious. I love life. I love living. I know what is the most important thing in this world to me and I know what can be put aside if need be. I have flaws, but I have strengths too. I love to try new things where I used to be afraid. I used to be so unsatisfied with me and who I am. I used to want to change myself for others so they would like me more. I am not like that now. I am me. Take it or leave it.

Other people are important. They may be different from what is socially acceptable or they may be the most popular person in the room. Doesn't matter, each person has something to contribute. Each person that comes into your life, has an effect there. They can bring pain, yes, but most often, they can teach you things to help you learn and grow. And I've learned that the way you treat a person most often reflects the person that YOU are. We need to appreciate every person who crosses our paths because they leave a mark. Treat others as you would want to be treated and pay it forward. Even if another person doesn't respect you, you must respect them because if you don't, is that the person YOU want to be?

Most importantly, I have learned that my Heavenly Father loves me. I am His daughter and I am great in His sight. I can rely on Him for things and in situations that no one else sees or knows. He is there for me, the ulimate Comforter in times of need. Pain is minimized by this. I am grateful for Jesus Christ, my brother, who not only atoned for my sins, but for my stresses and trials and grief. He has felt all and knows what I am going through. It is through the Atonement that I can turn over trials, when they are too much to bear, to Him and allow the healing balm of love and comfort to wash over me. My Heavenly Parents and my brother, my Savior, love me. They know my imperfections. They know I struggle. They know me. And they love me anyway.

On this day, last year, I was broken. It took an army of heavenly and earthly beings to put me back together. Now, 365 days later, I'm healing. I'm not whole yet. But, I'm getting there. I am not the person I was. I'm better. I'm more. I'm grateful. I'm blessed. I'm lucky. I'm ME.